When I graduated from the OCD and Anxiety Treatment Center this summer, my mom gave me a necklace engraved with a phrase I adopted from the clinic: “Live Uncertain.” No matter what form of OCD one has, they feel a burning need to be 100% certain. For those with contamination OCD, they seek 100% assurance that they are clean. This may result in excessive hand-washing, avoiding doorknobs, constant cleaning, etc. People with harm OCD seek 100% assurance that their loved ones are safe and they don’t cause harm to others. This can result in hiding knives or other dangerous objects for fear of accidentally hurting someone; being hyper-aware of illness and spending hours googling symptoms; or driving back and forth over the same stretch of road to make sure they didn’t accidentally run someone over. For people with scrupulosity like mine, we seek 100% assurance that our behavior is 100% appropriate and acceptable. This leads to constantly asking others if something we did is bad; confessing misdeeds to everyone in hopes that they will tell us it’s okay; belittling oneself to make sure we aren’t being prideful; and so much more. My family can always tell if I’ve missed medication for too many days because I start obsessing over very minor social interactions or things I’ve done and ask my family members if my behavior was acceptable. Recently, i started a fitness challenge with friends. I am tracking my calories in My Fitness Pal and have a calorie goal to stay within each day. I started retreating back in to my normal pattern of under-eating by 300-500 calories so I could make sure I was 100% honest when i reported to my friends that I stayed within my goal. There is so much uncertainty when tracking food because calories can vary and it’s hard to get portions exact. But I realized what I was doing and shared with my friends this particular OCD struggle so they could support me in being healthy. Having that support system is critical! Tune in next week on #mentalhealthmonday for more about how to “live uncertain” and how to help your loved ones with OCD to live in the gray.
Monday, April 22, 2019
Mental Health Monday: Live Uncertain
When I graduated from the OCD and Anxiety Treatment Center this summer, my mom gave me a necklace engraved with a phrase I adopted from the clinic: “Live Uncertain.” No matter what form of OCD one has, they feel a burning need to be 100% certain. For those with contamination OCD, they seek 100% assurance that they are clean. This may result in excessive hand-washing, avoiding doorknobs, constant cleaning, etc. People with harm OCD seek 100% assurance that their loved ones are safe and they don’t cause harm to others. This can result in hiding knives or other dangerous objects for fear of accidentally hurting someone; being hyper-aware of illness and spending hours googling symptoms; or driving back and forth over the same stretch of road to make sure they didn’t accidentally run someone over. For people with scrupulosity like mine, we seek 100% assurance that our behavior is 100% appropriate and acceptable. This leads to constantly asking others if something we did is bad; confessing misdeeds to everyone in hopes that they will tell us it’s okay; belittling oneself to make sure we aren’t being prideful; and so much more. My family can always tell if I’ve missed medication for too many days because I start obsessing over very minor social interactions or things I’ve done and ask my family members if my behavior was acceptable. Recently, i started a fitness challenge with friends. I am tracking my calories in My Fitness Pal and have a calorie goal to stay within each day. I started retreating back in to my normal pattern of under-eating by 300-500 calories so I could make sure I was 100% honest when i reported to my friends that I stayed within my goal. There is so much uncertainty when tracking food because calories can vary and it’s hard to get portions exact. But I realized what I was doing and shared with my friends this particular OCD struggle so they could support me in being healthy. Having that support system is critical! Tune in next week on #mentalhealthmonday for more about how to “live uncertain” and how to help your loved ones with OCD to live in the gray.
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