Mental Health Monday: Apologize

In my struggle with scrupulosity, apologizing is a way to relieve anxiety. It’s what the outpatient clinic I attended last summer calls a “neutralizing behavior.” I feel anxiety that I may have done something wrong or made someone uncomfortable; therefore, I apologize for it just in case. It makes me feel less anxious because it means I’ve acknowledged what I did and tried to make it better. This is problematic because it’s easy to start apologizing for living, talking, breathing, having opinions, having a tough day, being sad, being hurt, etc. And those feelings aren’t things that require an apology. One thing my therapist taught me that was a huge game changer is that I should never apologize for my feelings. I don’t need to beat myself up for being angry or scared or apathetic or whatever I may feel. I should recognize it, sit with it, and then decide how best to proceed from there. I’ve since made it a goal not to apologize for being me. It is already making a big difference in my relationships. A guy said to me recently, “I love how you are always so confident and sure of yourself.” I had to laugh, because that’s the polar opposite of me usually. But it proved the techniques I learned in therapy are helping me grow and improv (image created with @typoramaapp).