When I was in college, I had an unforgettable experience in a master class. As a music major, I had to sing in front of my peers and be critiqued by my professor. After performing one evening, he said to me, “Katie, you’re very hard on yourself.” This is something I’ve heard a lot in my life, so I told him I agreed. Then he said, “But you’re hard on other people too. You’re hard on them because you’re hard on yourself.” I was completely taken aback. I barely knew this professor. I have no idea to this day what inspired him to say that to me. But I will NEVER forget it. One trap perfectionists fall in to is holding themselves to an impossible standard and unintentionally doing it to the people around them. It’s easy to become critical and judgmental. My friend shared reminded me of a quote from LDS church leader Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that said, “I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything.” When we cut ourselves a break and love ourselves, we are better prepared to love others. If there is one thing I want more than anything, it’s to view all people the way I see my niece and nephews- as humans with divine roots and endless potential who I cherish deeply and perfectly, even when one of them says, “I don’t yike you, Katie” (he’s two- it comes with the territory. They don’t yike anyone, but we love them anyway). I can’t do that, though, until I stop placing unrealistic demands on myself.
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